SOCIETY - definition

Every society honors its live conformists and its dead troublemakers.

--Mignon McLaughlin

PERL - definition

Perl, the only programming language that looks the same before and after RSA encryption.

--unknown source

PAST - definition

Something like that happened to me, you know. I ... I'm not exactly sure what it was. Sometimes I remember it one way, sometimes another... If I'm going to have a past, I prefer it to be multiple choice!

--The Joker

NORMAL PEOPLE - definition

The neurotic is a person who worries about something that did not happen in the past. He's not like us normal people who worry about things that will not happen in the future.

--unknown source

LOVE - definition

Hate leaves ugly scars, love leaves beautiful ones.

--Mignon McLaughlin

HOPE - definition

Hope is the feeling we have that the feeling we have is not permanent.

--Mignon McLaughlin

HISTORY - definition

History is the lie commonly agreed upon.

--Voltaire

GREED - definition

We are all born brave, trusting, and greedy, and most of us remain greedy.

--Mignon McLaughlin

DEMOCRACY - definition

When threatened, the first thing a democracy gives up is democracy.

--Mignon McLaughlin

BECOME - definition

What you have become is the price you paid to get what you used to want.

--Mignon McLaughlin

EMOTION - definition

Emotions are caused by biochemical secretions in the body to serve during the state of acute emergency. An emotional person is a blind, crazed maniac. Emotions are addictive and narcotic and stupefacient. Do not trust anyone who comes on emotional.

--Timothy Francis Leary

SELF - definition

The complex cluster of molecules you insist on calling your "self".

--Timothy Francis Leary

RELATIONSHIP - definition

No one can carry on a sane relationship with anyone, because getting involved in a relationship is insane.

HUMAN BEING - definition

Member of a species best known for its competitive belligerence and murderous envy.

--Timothy Francis Leary

FREUD - definition

The lie detector who lied.

--Timothy Francis Leary

BORN - definition

We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

PSYCHOANALYSIS - definition

All that Freud said is that modern man and society are completely dishonest. Society lies to the individual and forces him to lie to himself. Freud calls this process of self-deception the unconscious. The unconscious is the hidden. Freud (the lie detector who lied) conscientiously listed the various ways in which man prevaricates and then developed a system of humiliating cross-examination and spirit-breaking brainwashing which forces the rare "successful" patient to give up his favorite pack of lies (which he chose as being the best solution to an impossible situation) and grovelingly to accept the psychoanalyst's system of dishonesty. Have you ever noticed how unbearably "dead" and juiceless psychoanalysts and their patients are? The only cheerful fact about psychoanalysis is that most patients don't get cured and are stubborn enough to preserve their own amateur and original lie in favor of the psychoanalyst's conforming lie. If anyone has any lingering doubt about the superstitious and barbarian state of psychiatry and psychoanalysis, reflect on this fact. Today, fifty years after Freud, the average mental hospital in the United States is a Kafkaesque, Orwellian prison camp more terrifying than Dachau because the captors claim to be healers. Two hundred years ago our treatment of the village idiot and nutty old Aunt Agatha was gently utopian compared to the intolerant savagery of the best mental hospital.

--Timothy Francis Leary

ADULT - definition

Adults are just kids who owe money.

--unknown

JESUS - definition

A man who has been nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be to be nice to people for a change.

--Douglas Adams - Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy

PERFECTION - definition

The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application.

--Stanley Randall