RAIN

Some people feet the rain. Others just get wet.

--Bob Marley

LIVE

To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.

DARKNESS

Even your shadow leaves you when you're in darkness.

CONVINCE

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

CAN NOT

There are so many people out there who will tell you that you can not. What you've got to do is turn around and say - "Watch me!".

OLDER

The older we get the better we used to be.

WILL

We have to believe in free will. We have no choice.

TRUTH

If the truths are sufficiently unpalatable, our audience is psychically incapable of accepting them and we will be written off as totally unrealistic, hopelessly idealistic, dangerously revolutionary, foolishly gullible or what have you.

--Edsger W.Dijkstra

TIME

Time is the best teacher. Unfortunately it kills all it's students.

MATHEMATICIAN

Mathematicians are like managers - they want improvement without change.

--Edsger Dijkstra

MARRIAGE

A second marriage is the triumph of optimism over experience.

MARKETING

The art of convincing others they have a need for something... for which they have no need.

--Rebecca Fernandez

EXPERIENCE

Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.

--Oscar Wilde

ABOVE-AVERAGE

Nearly everyone has an above-average number of legs.

WILL - definition

Where there's no will, there's no way.

UNIQUE - definition

Always remember you're unique... Just like everyone else.

TRUTH - definition

Pretty much all the honest truth telling in the world is done by children.

--Oliver Wendell

SILENCE - definition

The cruellest lies are often told in silence.

PAY - definition

You don't always get what you pay for. But you always pay for what you get.

LOVE - definition

Falling in love with yourself is easy - the hard part is breaking up.

LOVE - definition

Love is like a roller coaster. If you like it, you don't want to get off, and when you don't... you can't wait to throw up.

LOVE - definition

Love for money is the only type of love that will never turn to hate.

LEGACY CODE - definition

It's legacy code if everyone that wrote it is retired or dead, and if those that continue to maintain it wish they were. Otherwise, it's just called the existing code base.

--Mark Mann

KNOW - definition

It's not what you know, it's who you know.

INTELLIGENT LIFE - definition

Intelligent life may exist on many planets in the universe including the earth. But so far, we just don't have enough evidence.

HONEST - definition

People who are brutally honest get more satisfaction out of the brutality than out of the honesty.

--Richard J. Needham

FRIEND - definition

I have no trouble with my enemies. I can take care of my enemies in a fight. But my friends, my goddamned friends, they're the ones who keep me walking the floor at nights!

--Warren G. Harding

FRIEND - definition

During dearth you will recognize the true friend, during prosperity the girl friend.

CONSULTING - definition

The art of succeeding while unemployed.

--Rick Bayan

CHRISTIANITY - definition

Christianity is a great idea that's never been tried.

BULLSHIT CEELING - definition

The maximum amount of bullshit people are actually willing to take.

BULLSHIT - definition

The triumph of form over content.

--Tom Guarriello

BULLSHIT - definition

Never tell a lie when you can bullshit your way through.

WRITER - definition

Everybody can write; writers can't do anything else.

--Mignon McLaughlin

UNDERSTANDING - definition

We sometimes feel that we have been really understood, but it was always long ago, by someone now dead.

--Mignon McLaughlin

TODAY - definition

Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday.

--unknown

SOCIETY - definition

Every society honors its live conformists and its dead troublemakers.

--Mignon McLaughlin

PERL - definition

Perl, the only programming language that looks the same before and after RSA encryption.

--unknown source

PAST - definition

Something like that happened to me, you know. I ... I'm not exactly sure what it was. Sometimes I remember it one way, sometimes another... If I'm going to have a past, I prefer it to be multiple choice!

--The Joker

NORMAL PEOPLE - definition

The neurotic is a person who worries about something that did not happen in the past. He's not like us normal people who worry about things that will not happen in the future.

--unknown source

LOVE - definition

Hate leaves ugly scars, love leaves beautiful ones.

--Mignon McLaughlin

HOPE - definition

Hope is the feeling we have that the feeling we have is not permanent.

--Mignon McLaughlin

HISTORY - definition

History is the lie commonly agreed upon.

--Voltaire

GREED - definition

We are all born brave, trusting, and greedy, and most of us remain greedy.

--Mignon McLaughlin

DEMOCRACY - definition

When threatened, the first thing a democracy gives up is democracy.

--Mignon McLaughlin

BECOME - definition

What you have become is the price you paid to get what you used to want.

--Mignon McLaughlin

EMOTION - definition

Emotions are caused by biochemical secretions in the body to serve during the state of acute emergency. An emotional person is a blind, crazed maniac. Emotions are addictive and narcotic and stupefacient. Do not trust anyone who comes on emotional.

--Timothy Francis Leary

SELF - definition

The complex cluster of molecules you insist on calling your "self".

--Timothy Francis Leary

RELATIONSHIP - definition

No one can carry on a sane relationship with anyone, because getting involved in a relationship is insane.

HUMAN BEING - definition

Member of a species best known for its competitive belligerence and murderous envy.

--Timothy Francis Leary

FREUD - definition

The lie detector who lied.

--Timothy Francis Leary

BORN - definition

We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

PSYCHOANALYSIS - definition

All that Freud said is that modern man and society are completely dishonest. Society lies to the individual and forces him to lie to himself. Freud calls this process of self-deception the unconscious. The unconscious is the hidden. Freud (the lie detector who lied) conscientiously listed the various ways in which man prevaricates and then developed a system of humiliating cross-examination and spirit-breaking brainwashing which forces the rare "successful" patient to give up his favorite pack of lies (which he chose as being the best solution to an impossible situation) and grovelingly to accept the psychoanalyst's system of dishonesty. Have you ever noticed how unbearably "dead" and juiceless psychoanalysts and their patients are? The only cheerful fact about psychoanalysis is that most patients don't get cured and are stubborn enough to preserve their own amateur and original lie in favor of the psychoanalyst's conforming lie. If anyone has any lingering doubt about the superstitious and barbarian state of psychiatry and psychoanalysis, reflect on this fact. Today, fifty years after Freud, the average mental hospital in the United States is a Kafkaesque, Orwellian prison camp more terrifying than Dachau because the captors claim to be healers. Two hundred years ago our treatment of the village idiot and nutty old Aunt Agatha was gently utopian compared to the intolerant savagery of the best mental hospital.

--Timothy Francis Leary

ADULT - definition

Adults are just kids who owe money.

--unknown

JESUS - definition

A man who has been nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be to be nice to people for a change.

--Douglas Adams - Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy

PERFECTION - definition

The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application.

--Stanley Randall

LIFE - definition

Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans.

--John Lennon

EARTH - definition

Mostly harmless.

--Douglas Adams - Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy

DEMOCRACY - definition

Democracy consists of choosing your dictators after they've told you what they think you want to hear.

--Alan Coren

ECONOMIST - definition

Anyone who believes exponential growth can go on forever in a finite world is either a madman or an economist.

--Kenneth Boulding

GREED - definition

Greed is good. Greed is right. Greed works. Greed cuts through, clarifies, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit.

--WALL STREET (1987) [film]

Start

The Mr.Cynical page is launched. Initial content comes from The Devil's Dictionary written by Ambrose Bierce from 1881 to 1906. The future of the page is to collect much more cynical definition from different sources like movies, songs and other books.

This blog will keep track of new definitions and updates.

Stay tuned if you dare!

Yours
Mr. Cynical